I am definitely over weight and it is SO hard to get motivated to exercise. This morning, despite the dreariness that is being caused by low lying overcast skies, I plugged in my earphones and went for a run. I only ran for 10:26 and the last minute was more because of the scary looking fellow that was wandering the trail with a Navy issue cover, dessert cammi jacket, sandals and crazy looking pack on that would pause every now and then to feel the high grass. I might have walked at minute 10 if I was sure he wouldn't have done something shady but I wanted to make sure I was far enough ahead of him to leave room for escape if need be. I remember the summer that I ran every single day except Sunday. I wish I could get that mind set back so I don't slip into the land of those that have gone before...the land of the slow increase in size until one day you just sit down wondering how you got there...

My sleep has been strewn with nightmares of unfaithfulness. I can not remember the last time I actually slept through a night. I have hopes that one day things will change and the things that have become a stronghold in my life will crumble. That one day my mind will be free of the thoughts that can consume a whole day with lies and fears. It has been a long time since I have seen true and pure rest. Right now my heart and mind are battling whether to just accept that things of the past will happen again so I need to just accept it and be the most prepared I can be...or live on in hope that while the battle will be tough those things will never happen again. The hope in me wants to be optimistic. But the experience in me tells me to not let my guard down. How does one let go of control and throw up their hands and just live in every moment saying come what will come?

How does one trust in God's plan and continue to overcome when parts of his plan cause so much heart ache? How does one not lose themselves in the battle against unfaithfulness? How do you fight alongside instead of against one that has caused so much pain and fear? I suppose it all comes down to the proper perspective. We have to fight to see things from God's perspective without allowing bitterness to take root. Sometimes it is hard to not feel like a pawn being used to prove something or to change someone else. I want a trusting heart no matter what the circumstances of life...but I am struggling...my mind is a battlefield...my heart wrenching inside of my chest...

17:28 at the track on base.

Greek for lunch.

Work module number 9 of 14.

6pm.com and ebates.com

Ran errands with the hubby.

TV riser shall be the first project.

Rain, rain, and well, more rain.

Cleaned up the house, mostly done by him.

Pre-teens and their drama at work. Since when did the F word become an appropriate word for 6th graders much less anyone else? Do they know their kids listen to this music? And yes, if you steal from someone they more than likely won't want to be your friend anymore...

Child-abuse training after work tonight. I never knew praising your child could make them dependent upon your approval. Instead we should focus on how they feel so they don't need us or our approval? I am not so sure I agree with this parenting philosophy...

Thankful to talk with a co-worker tonight. It is nice to have a real conversation sometimes.